The holiday season - torture time

As a kidney patient on dialysis this is my 1st time "celebrating" the holiday season while on dialysis. Being on dialysis is about control and resisting temptation esp on food and fluid, if you read my other posts you will know i am a food addict. Now the question becomes do i avoid my frriends and family invites to their homes ????? The major activity in such gatherings is to eat and be merry but i am not able to eat and drink freely amd my resistance to these temptations is very weak !!! I also do not want to dampen anybody joy with my sickness but i must try .

THE BATTLE OF THE FATS

The battle and challenges of a being a kidney patient on dialysis is about control but the control of even not drinking too much plain water cannot be easily understand by others when telling friends that drinking too much plain water is harmful to my health can see the disbelief in their eyes and posture

my goal now is to lose weight WHY ??? i ask myself this question also it is because my goals in life has changed and there is not too many goals to shoot for. my future is very bleak and can only look forward to almost nothing. i have set the losing weight goal to give me some purpose.

FACTS ABOUT THE FATS

I am a kidney patient for about 4 months now and it is a life time struggle. this disease has a few limitations that is very difficult to follow i am a goal orientated person now my goal is now to remain pain free and to lose weight. during one dialysis section i put myself on a very strict diet and went swimming for 4 hrs straight jus before my dialysis section and after my dialysis while q-ing for my food my blood pressure dipped and iwas so weak that i collapse to the floor. the people from the coffeeshop was scolding and shouting at me for being a drunk ?!! luckily someone had the presence of mind to call for the ambulance and i was hospitalised for 4 days

IN CONTROL

I now as a kidney is getting use to the life my food intake and fluid control it takes all of my will power to curb my desires but now i seem to be winning the battle. I have decided to cook more often and with me not putting in ant salt in my food i am able to control my thirst. The food i cook is not delicious and very bland i try to spice up the dishes with the addition of more chillies but still the food i cook can only be eaten by me.

Inbetween dialysis i am only suppose to gain a maximum of 2,5kg the last dialysis i only gain 1.9kg but this is a long battle and i must keep at it and this process last forever until i expire. I am still addicted to drinking water but since i cut down on my salt or sodium intake the thirst is not so unbearable.

I am now in hospital waiting for my fistula or graft operation. A surgeon creates an AV fistula b y connecting an artery directly to a vein. I am in singapore genral hospital or SGH.

SGH is singapore premier hospital and is almost running at full capacity. SGH is very proffesionally run with many set procudures and rules and bending of the rules is not tolerated. Even before you allowed to be warded even if a doctor has sign off you will have to prove to the hospital that you are able to afford treatment. WISH ME LUCK MY OPERSATION IS THE MORNING OF 14 OF OCT 2010

UN-BLESS LIFE

I have been afflictred by kidney failure and i have been on dialysis for about 2 months this is retribution or karma for a life led by apathy and carelessness towards my health.

Many years i have been living alone and caring for nothing except for my daily livelihood and expenses. i have always been a loner and it was never a problem for me i love to do things in isolation reading have always been a passion, watching movies on dvd have always occupy my time leisurly.

During my younger years my focus have always been on money and career i am cheerful guy and i would easily get work up and i am also sometimes too focus on the task on hand that i brush off and offend people. I have one major failing is that i am lousy at "tripod management"- is the currying of favors of my immediate superiors at work, when i was working i would resist most of the suggestions made by my then bosses but i would put in long hours and perform tasks not wanted by my colleagues. i was tolerated at work because of this but socially i was a cast off and would definitely get voted off if this was an episode of "survivor"

My attitude towards my health always been of avoidance i did not care about my health and would always go on eating binges but stuffing myself on the buffet table and i would especially devour the desserts. i do not smoke nor drink but i am a food and plain water addict and now i am being punish for living this kind of life living an un-bless life and in singapore getting treatment is all about money and i am very worried on whether i can afford treatment in the near future.

LIFE SAVER

Kidney patients have to undergo dialysis in order to survive. A very inconvient treatment but it let us live an acceptable standard of living. The doctors have to establish our DRY weight which is your weight without the excess fluid that builds up between dialysis treatments, and today i gain about 4kg since my last dialysis meaning i have poor control of my diet and fluid intake, the acceptable weight gain ranges from 1kg to 2kg. I MUST WIN THIS BATTLE !!!because it will affect my immediate well-being and my long-term health.

There are mainly 2 main types of dialysis Hemodialysis and Peritoneal dialysis. I am at present undergoing hemodialysis. Dialysis is The process of cleansing the blood by passing it through a special machine. Dialysis is necessary when the kidneys are not able to filter the blood. Hemodialysis is the cleaning and filtering of waste products from the blood at present my blood is pump through a dialyser clean and then pumped back into my body.

My dialysis is done at an outpatient centre 3 times a week and each session last about 4 hrs. Each session starts with the weigh in like in a prize fight this is to determine the weight gain from the last dialysis the nurse will adjust the machine accordingly. Kidney patients have little or no urine flow and if the excess fluid is not drain out it will lead to Increase in blood pressure due to extra fluid in the blood stream, swelling, called edema, in the feet, ankles, wrists, face and around the eyes, Shortness of breath due to fluid in the lungs, heart problems, which can include a fast pulse, weakened heart muscles and an enlarged heart.

During dialysis my blood pressure is being taken period periodically to ensure my pressure is not too low which may lead to nausea, headaches or fainting spells. During the 4 hrs dialysis i try to be productive reading a book, thinking what to blod about.

When dialysis is done right we kidney patients from the outside will look normal and even have a healthy glow, some friends and colleaques even wonder if we are really suffering from an incurable disease. I have started dialysis for about 2 months and i am still adjusting to it my fluid and diet control is poor and i get very tired after dialysis. I must get back to a normal life being a productive person of society

POSITIVE OUTLOOK

I was diagnose with kidney failure and i was told to have a positive outlook and to remain cheerful because this disease is not a death sentence. I am very sorry that this is something at present i cannot achieve. I have no ambitions my present plan is to be pain free and to keep to my fluid and diet restrictions not to be a burden.

I have accepted my fate but most things that i use to enjoy is off limits now. My plan now is to prepare financially for my treatments and to return to work asap. I will do my best to live as comfortable as possible and my outlook in life is one of acceptance and to prepare my body for the long road ahead. In s'pore financial help although very difficult is easier to find then emotional help.

S'pore has a national medical savings account system for Singaporeans call medisave and we also have medishield which is a low cost catastrophic national illness insurance scheme. Luckily i was quite productive before my illness and i have a healthy balance sheet in my medisave acct. S'pore govt has a very practical way of doing things and there is a cap on the claims i can make from both schemes for dialysis. Medisave is $450 and medishield is $1000 for a total of $1450 per month for dialysis. I have to still use some cash money to pay for dialysis about $900 monthly.

Emotional support is quite hard to find in s'pore there are counsellors based in the hospital and one was assigned to me when my disease was confirmed she spent a few minutes assuring me but soon our session was spent mostly on the financial aspect of the disease.

BATTLES

Kidney patients in order to live a comfy life we have to control our fluid intake and we also need to have a proper diet and this battle happens on a daily basis and most of time i am losing this battle and cave in to temptations. I must somehow win this battle if not i will feel discomfort and will live my life in misery !!

I am a singaporean guy, fat and big size who loves food and i am a aquaholics: addicted to drinking water !! I have been told since i was very young that drinking water is good for my health, that water is good for you and helps you to detox and drinking water will cause no harm to the body. From a very young age i have been drinking, guzzling down plain water like a baby elephant and i also look like one !!!

I use to drink about 5 litres of plain water on a daily basis and guess what what is my favourite foods i love my curries and my soups. My total fluid intake on a daily basis should be about 8 litres !!! I have been good i do not smoke or drink liquor even beer use to be an occasional indulgence but i love to drink water and i am a foodie before my kidney failure i use to travel all over singapore in search of good food i will make time to go and try but with kidney failure i must practice restrain in theory i know what i must do but in practce ...............??????????

I have to becareful even foods that is considered as very beneficial for the body may do harm to a kidney patient we have to be very vigilant of the potassium levels of the food i consume because when potassium stays in your blood because my kidneys aren't filtering it out and because potassium builds up between dialysis treatments and can cause problems such as weakness, muscle cramps, tiredness, irregular heartbeat and, worst of all, heart attack. Potassium is found mostly in fruits, vegetables and dairy products. Certain fruits and vegetables are very high in potassium. High potassium levels will affect my heart which is the leading cause of death among kidney patients.

Fuits like strawberry, watermelon, cantaloupe, oranges and my all time favourite fruit the banana and foods that is also considered as healthy like turkey, salmon, cod and many seafoods is also a big no no for kidney patients.

Fruits like apple, grapes, and pears is low in potassium and meat like chicken and pork if cook with no sodium or salt and prepared healthily is also considered safe for kidney patients

EMBARRASSING BITS PART 2

Kidney failure patients have a diet of fluid and food restriction which can lead to severe constipation. My main aim in life is now to remain pain free and our stools becomes hard and dry !! Going to the toilet is like you are excretring bricks of fire !! I can still remember one incident of constipation, got up in the morning had the urge to go and happily went to the toilet to release, sat on the toilet bowl waiting for the big drop but it went all wrong. I was waiting for gravity but after trying to push out the pain hit me i almost fell down from the toilet bowl !! Got up went to feel my anus the stools felt hard, a little rubbery but the pain is now SEARING almost unbearable !! quickly rush down to the doctor

In the doctor office it was very embarrassing my stools was stuck in my anus looking like a turtle head !! a little history i had not went to the toilet for about one week. The doctor prescribe an enema which is an injection of a liquid through the anus to evacuate the bowels. The enema was administered by a young sweet looking nurse my face was red of embarrassment and my body was hot from the pain !! after she flushed the enema into my anus i was given an adult diaper to wear and was told to hold the liquid in for about 15 mins this was the longest 15 mins i was squirming in pain, slowly made my way to the toilet for the sweet release. At last i was allow to let go and the feelings was almost orgasmic and the smell was like i was in the sewage !!!

EMBARRASSING BITS

The kidneys are like a filter of the body processing waste material and producing urine, they are part of the waste disposal system of the body. I have kidney failure and this seriously compromised my body ability to dispose of my body waste products.

Some patients have no urine at all all their liquid waste during dialysis. i have some urine but ehwn i do go it is only a trickle. Meaning almost all of any liquid tha i consumed will remain in my body and will only be cleared during dialysis if not clear the liquid will remain in my body causing breathlessness and damage my internal organs. The embarrassing part if i use a public toilet to urinate there can be a strong smell from my urine.

Kidney patients have to control our fluid intake we cannot drink much water even fruits we can only eat one portion a day. This kind of a diet will lead to CONSTIPATION !!!

DRAWBACKS and FUSTRATIONS

There are major frustrations in have this disease - kidney failure. This may not be considered as a terminal disease but it is incurable but with dialysis we have life. We have a daily battle with food and fluid intake.

Kidney failure is a disease which is very limiting you cannot the simple joys of life. Drinking of fluid is confined to only about 1 litre of water this includes all fluid ie in gravy, chilli sauce, coffee, even plain water. The kidneys serve the body as a natural filter of the blood, and remove wastes which are diverted to the urinary bladder. In producing urine, the kidneys excrete wastes such as urea and ammonium; the kidneys also are responsible for the reabsorption of water, glucose, and amino acids. In kidney failure any fluid consumed stays in body resulting in difficulty in breathing and edema is an abnormal accumulation of fluid beneath the skin or in one or more cavities of the body and the fluid in body can only be clear only during dialysis. If i consume too much fluid in between dialysis and more fluid is needed to be taken out during dialysis it will result in low blood pressure and me being un comfortable like hell !!!

Proper diet is also essential during dialysis we have to eat more protein - meat but must avoid most seafood even milk is not allowed. Salt is also a no no but i do not cook and outside food is laden with salt a tough battle !!!

THE DISEASE

I have stage 5 renal or kidney failure also known as ESRD or end stage renal disease. This is not a terminal disease but it is incurable and i have to undergo dialysis in order to survive, to live.

The kidneys is the waste disposal department of the body its function is to serve the body as a natural filter of the blood, and remove wastes which are diverted to the urinary bladder. In producing urine,the kidneys excrete waste products from the body. When kidneys fail your body will not be able to to filter properly, waste accumulates in the blood and the body and with out dialysis have to go meet the maker.

Dialysis is a procedure that is a substitute for many of the normal duties of the kidneys. Dialysis can only perform about 15% of a healthy kidney, but i can still survive but i cannot enjoy the simple pleasure of life. There is a restriction on fluid intake so i am always thisty drinking a glass of plain water can be dangerous to my health, even fruits can only be taken in minimal amounts and my all time favourite banana and mango is a definite no no because they are high in potassium. The only safe fruit to eat is apples and pears. Food intake is less restricting i am encourage to eat meat but in order to reduce my thirst i have to restrict my salt content but this a challenge because i do not cook at home.

ACCEPTANCE OF FATE

I have stage 5 kidney failure or ESRD with advances in medicine this is not a terminal disease but i have to undergo dialysis 3 times a week in order to survive. My main ambition is now very basic and everyday is a struggle, a fight with myself controlling my food and fluid intake and most days i will give in to temptation and i will feel with regrets.

I have to undergo a few surgical procedures in order to prepare watch the you tube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXeuB1P8sDs. I am a singaporean and we have been described as a practical, pragmatic, calculative and we are people who are lacking in emotions. i am not an exception when i was told of my illness there was some sadness but only for a moment, my thoughts then turn to the practical side of the illness especially the financial aspects of the illness.

In singapore we have a national healthcare savings scheme call medisave to help us in paying our medical expenses. Medisave is like a savings account money in this account is derived from a certain % of our salary manage by the govt. Dialysis patient can claim a maximum of $450 from this account. We also Medishield. MediShield is a catastrophic medical insurance scheme that enables us in settling another portion of our dialysis bill we can claim a maximum $1000, so in total we have $1450 to help us defrey our dialysis treatments but inline with govt policy we still need to co-pay $600-$800 cash.

In singapore we also have the National Kidney Foundation which is is a charitable organisation that provides dialysis treatment and rehabilitative care to kidney failure patients at affordable, subsidised rates also known as NKF, we also have other organisation providing assistance to the dialysis patients but the NKF is the biggest.

THE REASONS FOR MY ILLNESS

I have stage 5 kidney disease or else known as end stage renal disease or ESRD. I was diagnose with this disease at the beginning of August 2010. I am still getting use to this disease and i have accepted the fact that there is no cure for this disease but with dialysis i still can maintain an acceptable standard of life.

Why i was affected by this disease ? my firsr thoughts was to tear open my shirt kneel down look up to the heavens and shout WHY ME !!! WHY ME !!! but on reflection i realise my life choices may have lead me to ESRD

I am a singaporean guy in my mid 40s fat and have always been delinquent towards my health. I am a guy who loves to eat but i do not drink liquor or smoke but eating have always been a passion and my favourite past time. Did i say i am fat well I AM FAT !!!

I have accepted my condition and i am undergoing test to see if i can qualify for a kidney transplant. My daily goal is now to be pain free and to not be a burden to others

I might get criticise for this but i am grateful for the singapore govt policy towards health care

DIALYSIS

In singapore we have medisave and medifund to help us with our cost of dialysis but as with most national schemes the coverage is not 100% the dialysis patients have to pay about $600 to $700 cash monthly. The "good point" is that the govt forces the kidney patients to be productive

In these tough economic times i am lucky that i am employed and i have the best bosses in the world. Dialysis is usually a 4 hr session can be quite boring and many negative thoughts run through my mind questioning my fate !!
Giving up is an option but i have decided to take one day at a time. i do have have any long term plans but main ambition is to be pain free and make sure i stick to my diet especially important to drink less water

THE REASONS FOR MY ILLNESS

HISTORY OF ILLNESS

This blog are ramblings of me a sinkie guy diagnose with ESRD. This is my account all views express here are my own base on my own experiences.

i am a sinkie guy big and fat and u was always have a tidak apa attitude about my health and now i am stricken with stage 5 kidney failure.

it was in late july i was feeling very lethargic feel with sadness and despair, woke in the morninig unable to breath and i could not even lay on the bed this made me decide to go to AE for help. Honestly if i could dleep in a comfy state i may not have gone to seek help.

SGH emergency room is always busy and there is always a long wait to see a doctor but the triage nurse after examing me u was quickly wisked to see the doctore abd i was was warded immediaterly and was assign a room within the hour !! ALAMAK I WAS REALLY SICK !!!

SGH is an efficent well run organisation but a little cold more emphasis is place on procedures and rule of law then on human to human relations. i was given an aggressive dose of medication to stall the progress of my disease but THE DISEASE EVENTUALLY WON !!

The way i was told of my illness was a little unsettling and i was a liitle upset as i was im SGH i was sent a social worker and a renal coordinator both was suppose to have given a softer side to the disease but both conversations soon gave way to the financial apects of the illness but I AM BLESSED WITH THE BEST MOST WONDERFUL NO HORSE RUN BOOSES and while waiting for the payouts from my MEDI accounts i was able to afford the treatments which was DIALYSIS.